Mother's Day series two: motherhood & self-care with Lucinda

Mornington Peninsula local Lucinda McKimm is the co-host of the motherhood and career podcast, Ready or Not, and a freelancer working across content and podcast production projects. She’s also mother to three-year-old Ray and one-year-old Posie. And though she’s taking a break from it at the moment to juggle her many other joys, Lucinda has trained as a yoga teacher – a practice she weaves into her daily life in small bursts wherever possible.

We caught up with Lucinda to ask for her reflections on “the light and shade of motherhood”, balancing work and finding time for herself.

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How did your working life change when kids came along, and where are you at with it now?

Before I gave birth to Ray, I worked in a busy sports media role that saw me travelling often, as well as working long hours. I was worried about what that would look like once I became a mum, and living outside of the city, I thought it would be very unlikely that I’d want to go back to that role.

That’s where the podcast came in. I yearned for these conversations on motherhood and career and creativity and identity for years before I was ready to try and conceive and I couldn’t believe that when I searched different iterations of “working mum” in podcast apps, I couldn’t find anything I wanted to listen to. So, Ready or Not started during maternity leave. It’s been a labour of love, and to keep funding it, I returned to freelancing instead of my job.

Posie is only just starting daycare this month so making work, work alongside motherhood has been a wildly intense time. Luckily, it’s coincided with a period where my husband has been working from home and able to carry more of the load. I don’t know how mums do it when they’re also in charge of everything when it comes to childcare and household work and I’m glad to have a partner who shares this responsibility for the very simple reason that he believes it’s his to share.

What fascinates you about the intersection of motherhood, work and creativity?

Mothers have been quietly going on the transformative journey of matrescence for a very long time, but it seems as though we’ve only just started to give this conversation any sort of cultural currency. In a society where capitalism still reigns supreme, I am deeply fascinated by what happens when the natural world (that is, growing and birthing a baby, no matter if science assisted the process or not) with the modern world (that is, a place powered by ego, where we assign our worth and purpose to what we do and how much money we earn). These two worlds are at complete odds with one another, and mums – in fact, parents in general – often find themselves existing in both.

For many of us, it’s as though to become a mum means to drift off to the edges of society for a little while, only to return some time later as a completely different person. And from there, everything feels like a sort of paradox. We want to keep women in the workplace, but we want to honour the work of mothers that’s mostly gone unnoticed and unpraised for a long time, too. Because of this, I find exploring the emotional, intellectual, political, financial, and logistical nuances that exist within the space motherhood, work, identity, and purpose incredibly interesting.

What have you learned from your many conversations with working mums when it comes to the best ways to look after yourself?

It’s such a boring answer, but communication is key. You must advocate for yourself because your partner or village won’t know that you’re feeling tired or sad or angry unless you talk about it and articulate what you need. More than that, every single mum I’ve interviewed has shared some version of the fact that allowing themselves to rest or have time away from their kids ultimately makes them a better mother. Putting yourself first as a mum is a radical act that teaches your children that they’re also worthy of doing so. So, if not for yourself, do it for them.

In addition to everything else, you’re also a yoga teacher. Does that mean you have some wisdom to share when it comes to self-care?

I would love to tell you that I’ve returned to yoga and that I fit in four classes a week around mothering and living and working, but the reality is I’m simply too tired at the moment. I’ve either caught a sickness from the kids, I’m recovering from a sickness from the kids, or I’m waking up during the night – you guessed it – for the kids. Having said that, I’ve found the ritual of preparing a space for yoga to be something very sacred and beautiful: playing calming music, dimming the lights, lighting a candle, burning some incense, and if I remember to, having a stretch. This is a ritual that I’ve brought into my everyday life and I love the idea that my kids watch me carry out these little rituals that bring me such warm feelings, even though there’s a million toys splayed across the floor. So, until proper self-care re-enters my life, I gain so much from this private little practice.

How does self-care look and feel different as a mum – both in terms of the way it manifests in your life, and the importance of it?

Self-care is everything and it manifests differently every day. Sometimes, it’s my husband bringing me a morning coffee and getting 20 extra minutes in the bed while the kids migrate to the living room with him. Sometimes, it’s going for a walk in nature. Others, it’s reading a book or my yoga-studio-at-home ritual. I’ve learned a lot about the importance of regulating my nervous system as a mum, and without some form of rest, I’m no good to anyone.

Do you have any regular wellbeing rituals or routines – and is it easier to be structured about these things, or is it easier to let go and do the best you can?

I’ve no structure whatsoever, but I think it’s something that will come back this year when I’m no longer feeding my one-year-old. She still protests for the boob every single night at least once. It’s adorable and frustrating. Until then, it’s my yoga studio rituals, the odd class, and nature walks. I look forward to the day where I can stick to 6.30am yoga classes a couple of times a week. This will be the antidote to missing them being so little, because the idea of them needing less of me is both exhilarating and heartbreaking. The light and shade of motherhood.

Do you have any mottos, philosophies or practices you hold onto when everything feels busy and chaotic?

Perhaps it’s a cliche, but “this too shall pass” was a mantra that really helped me in the early days of motherhood, when it feels impossible to separate yourself from your baby. It’s almost as though you’re one vessel in those early days, and it’s the most beautiful, exhausting, and overwhelming thing.

Outside of that, if I’m having one of those days where motherhood isn’t feeling good, I get outside. Sunshine and fresh air and a nice view are the best ways to reset.

What does time in nature mean to you? What kinds of nature experiences do you find restorative?

Water is so restorative and I wonder if that’s because it’s where life begins: bobbing up and down within the warmth of our mothers’ wombs. I often joke that I’d like to go back to the womb because life was far more simple then, and I think that’s what nature does for us humans that have become so far removed from ritual and nature and slowness. It simplifies everything.

If the kids are happy and it’s a beautiful day, we’ll go to the water. If they’re sick and miserable and can’t leave the house, we’ll swap out their cots for their carseats and drive somewhere where I can drink a coffee while looking out to the ocean.

If you had a day to yourself at Peninsula Hot Springs, what would it look like?

I would go at sunrise and set myself up in that top spa with the view – the Hilltop Pool. I love that spot! It’s hard to make yourself move from there because the heat and the breeze and the view are so lovely. But as the property starts to hum with the arrival of more people, I’d eventually explore the other pools before getting a massage for my tired shoulders. After lying down, it’s a glass of wine and something to eat in the restaurant that feels more like a retreat than a dining room. A perfect day.